Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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