Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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