Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
