There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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