I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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