if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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