Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
