I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
