I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
