It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love you.
Bad choice
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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