I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
