Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
