It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
