____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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