so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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