I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ketchup is God's man juice
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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