i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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