Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
