um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He felt like a one man threesome
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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