I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
