Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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