I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
