Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
