Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
