So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
