I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
