One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
