Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
