His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
