I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
