All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
