Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
