i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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