Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
