I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
