Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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