i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
