sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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