so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
