he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
