Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
