i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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