In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
