East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
