I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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