She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
