I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
