I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
