That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
