I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
