your parents love me but you hate me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
